Laughing in the Face of...Risk?
What is Two and Two?
A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant, "What is two and two?"
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two."
The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.
The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Brown, two and two was proven to be four.
The last applicant was an accountant. The businessman asked him, "How much is two and two?" The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice..."How much do you want it to be?"
He got the job.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Bob Hope
The Ruthless Executive
A young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw a sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an extremely long line, while no one was in front of the Capitalist Hell. The executive asked the guard, "What do they do to you in Socialist Hell?"
The guard replied, "They whip you, boil you in oil, and then put you on the rack."
"And what do they do to you in Capitalist Hell?"
"The same exact thing," the guard answered.
"Then why is everybody in line for Socialist Hell?"
"Because in Socialist Hell, they're always out of whips, oil, and racks!"
Regrettable Quotes: Part I
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Charles H. Duell, Office of Patents, 1899
There will never be a bigger plane built.
A Boeing Engineer, after the first flight of the 247, a twin engine plane that carried ten people.
Ours has been the first, and doubtless to be the last, to visit this profitless locality.
Lt. Joseph Ives, after visiting the Grand Canyon in 1861
We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
Decca Executive, 1962, after turning down the Beatles
With over 50 foreign cars already on sale here, the Japanese auto industry isn't likely to carve out a big slice of the US market.
Business Week, August 2, 1968
Regrettable Quotes: Part II
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in his or her home.
Ken Olson, president of Digital Equipment Corp. 1977
This telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.
Western Union, memo, 1876
No imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urging investment in the radio in the 1920's
Who wants to hear actors talk?
H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
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